The Top 16 Signs Your Cat has a Personality Disorder

 16 Couldn't muster up sufficient disdain if all nine lives 
     depended on it!
 
 15 You've repeatedly found him in the closed garage, hunched 
     over the wheel of your running Buick.
 
 14 Sits for hours in fascination while listening to Bob Dole.
 
 13 Teeth and claw marks all over your now-empty bottles of Prozac.
 
 12 No longer licks paws clean, but washes them at the sink again 
     and again and again...
 
 11 Continually scratches on the door to get in... the OVEN door.
 
 10 Doesn't get Garfield, but laughs like hell at Marmaduke.
 
  9 Rides in your car with its head out the window.
 
  8 She's a dues-paid, card-carrying member of the Reform Party.
 
  7 You realize one day that the urine stains on the carpet 
     actually form the letters  N-E-E-D  T-H-E-R-A-P-Y.
 
  6 Has built a shrine to Andrew Lloyd Webber entirely out of 
     empty "9 Lives" cans.
 
  5 Spends all day in litterbox separating the green chlorophyll
     granules from the plain white ones.
 
  4 After years of NPR, Tabby is suddenly a Ditto-Puss.
 
  3 Sullen and overweight, your sunglass-wearing cat shoots the 
     TV with a .45 Magnum when it sees cartoon depictions of stupid
     or lazy felines.
 
  2 Your stereo is missing, and in the corner you find a pawn 
     ticket and 2 kilos of catnip.
 
 
   and the Number 1 Sign Your Cat has a Personality Disorder...
 
 
  1 Makes an attempt on "First Cat" Sock's life in a pathetic 
     attempt to impress Jodie Foster.