The Top 15 Signs Alien Civilizations 
 Aren't So Advanced, Part I
 
 
 15 Crop circles?  Nothing more than an intergalactic Etch-A-Sketch.
 
 14 Latest signal intercepted by SETA contains the repeated phrase,
     "I know you are but what am I?"
 
 13 Get such a big kick out of mooning Carl Sagan and Stephan
     Hawking.
 
 12 Safely traverse light years through the cosmos only to crash
     into an Air Force base in the middle of a desert.
 
 11 Still trying to develop a sitcom for Tom Arnold.
 
 10 Alpha Centauri Stellarway constantly jammed with old farts
     creeping along at 2.25X10e8 mps.
 
  9 Cigar-shaped UFO's are a classic indication that they are
     developmentally trapped in the phallic stage.
 
  8 Can't explain the infield fly rule.
 
  7 After traveling *billions* of miles to select ONE human being,
     the dumb bastards chose Richard Dreyfuss.
 
  6 At MarsMart, Vanilla Ice 8-Tracks are literally *flying* off
     the shelves.
 
  5 Who invented the Eggo?  We did, saucer-boy!
 
  4 It may be atomic, but it's *still* an outhouse.
 
  3 Their first words: "Take us to your Skipper, Little Buddy."
 
  2 Still haven't made the connection between peanut butter
     and jelly.
    
 
 
 and the Number 1 Sign Alien Civilizations Aren't So Advanced...
 
 
 1 They certainly could have chosen a better infiltrator than
    Dennis Rodman.